I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
