What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize