I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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