shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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