just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
