My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
