Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
