whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
