I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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