your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
