I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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