You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
