either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
