I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
