Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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