I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
