I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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