he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you inspire me to be a worse person
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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