so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
