mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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