Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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