toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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