Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize