It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
