Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
