I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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