She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
