a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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