My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
