I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
