i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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