Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
