I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
