I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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