I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
