It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
