dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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