Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
