I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
