sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
