he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
