I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
