My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
