I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
