nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
