So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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