I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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