Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
