If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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