I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
