Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
