just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
