just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
