the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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