My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
