She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize