matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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