It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
