he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize