He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
