It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
