I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
