OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
