How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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