I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
