Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
