never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
