i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
