I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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