Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Vodka?
Forever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
