my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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