Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
