Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
