Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
