I puked a lego.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
