what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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