As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
