Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
