my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
