Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
