My first STD was from a foam party
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize